Bisexual man or Gay ?
Now that you’ve acknowledged these feelings that you have for men, you can’t help but wonder if it means that you’re gay. Perhaps you’re experiencing a level of fear whenever you stop to consider this question. After all, when a dude likes another dude, doesn’t it mean that he’s (cups mouth and whispers) gay? The good news is that you won’t have to buy a tiara, learn how to lisp, go for lessons on how to have a limp wrist while embracing Gloria Gaynor’s “I will survive!” as an anthem for your life, any time soon.
Three things that tend to trip up many a man embarking on the kind of journey that you are, would be: lack of information, stereotypes and homophobia. These last two factors are more than likely the cause of you wondering if acknowledging these feelings or being intimate with a man will lead to you becoming gay.
Sexual researchers like Fritz Klein and J. R. Little identified a form of bisexuality known as “Transitional Bisexuality”, where the person identifies as being heterosexual, moves over to identifying as bisexual and finally realising that he/she is homosexual. However, not all bisexuals experience things in this way; most bisexuals identify as being bi and that’s as far as things go.
Am I Bisexual or Gay ?
With most bisexuals being in hiding, it’s led to there being very little information about bisexuality. Subsequently, the general approach towards bisexuality is one where the person in question is forced to “pick a side” i.e. the person isn’t seen to be bisexual and is therefore pressured into deciding if he/she is gay or straight.
There are also stereotypes at play. A common stereotype is one where gay men are perceived to be effeminate drama queens and in the bi world, there’s one where gay men are perceived as being untrustworthy because any contact with them will lead to him falling in love with you and deciding to out you in order to have you for himself. The only reliable information that such stereotypes convey would revolve around ignorance. There are also broader stereotypes where men are expected to be macho warriors, so any display of emotion, gentleness or attraction to another man is perceived as being gay and therefore less of a man.
Acceptance of Bisexuality
We’ve been raised in environments that exhibit little tolerance and acceptance for gay and bisexual men. It’s therefore easy for these feelings to be internalised without us being aware of it. As a result, we’re afraid that these feelings and attractions will imply that we’re gay because it would mean that we’re less of a man, we’re sexual deviants, sinful and many other things…not only by others, but by ourselves as well.
The only way to reach a place of inner peace and harmony, would be to move from asking the “Will it make me gay?” question and to rather ask, “When I look at who I am as a person and compare it to the misconception and discrimination out there, to what degree do these stereotypes etc. have any merit and therefore reflect who I am?” Whether that’s indeed Bisexual or Gay.