Bisexuality and feeling Guilty
You’re paying more attention to guys around you, fantasising about them or you’ve decided to give gay and/or bisexual porn a try, but you’ve been unsettled by the fact that you’re experiencing guilt afterwards. If it’s any consolation, many bisexual men have gone through what you are at present. In some instances, this took place after they had hooked up with a guy; then the reality hit home and they wanted to get away from the situation as quickly as possible. If you’re looking for an explanation for this kind of reaction, you need not look further than the norms and values that you’ve encountered in your family, community and country.
Most of us have been raised with the mindset that same sex intimacy is wrong, dirty and/or sinful. Homophobia and biphobia are still rife in countries around the globe. All of these things run very deeply inside of us, and since many of us only face up to or identify these feelings later on in our lives, it’s only then that we are exposed to the way that these mindsets, approaches and norms have had an impact on our lives. If you’re in a committed relationship, then it’s highly likely that your guilt is also coming from the fact that your significant other is oblivious to these attractions that you’re experiencing and you’re feeling guilty for keeping them hidden from her. This affects so many guys who keep their Bisexuality on the downlow.
To a large degree, and as a result of misconceptions about human sexuality, there’s the tendency for us to reduce our sexuality to the sex act – nothing more and nothing less than that. It may be helpful to hold the image of the human nervous system in your mind. We find millions of nerves that run throughout the body and are connected to the brain. This is pretty much how we’re wired sexually too. Our sexual orientations are a small part of who we are (like the brain), however, it runs throughout most of our realities (like the nerves) which implies that there’s more to our sexuality than just sexual activity.
Societal norms and values, our beliefs and religious ascriptions and our life experiences, most especially as children, have had some kind of influence on our sexuality and how we bring it to expression. In light of this, your guilt won’t go away overnight, but it is possible to move beyond it and come to a place where you’re able to embrace your sexual identity along with any subsequent desires that you will have.
Help in understanding Bisexuality
It may be helpful if you spend some time becoming acquainted with some of the misconceptions and discrimination associated with bisexuality and same sex intimacy/relationships. Ask yourself if any of these mindsets are valid or if any of them are true about the person that you are – when you hold them up against what you know about yourself. You could also make a conscious decision to surround yourself with gay and bisexual men..not for the sake of sex, but for the sake of allowing your experiences of them to serve as a means of establishing whether or not they are sexual deviants as well as seeing if there’s any reason for them to feel ashamed of who they are and the way that they experience their sexuality.
By allowing yourself to come into contact with homosexuality and bisexuality, be it through porn, human contact (in the sense of going to a gay bar as an observer or forging platonic friendships) while asking yourself if anything that you’re witnessing is really wrong or bad, you’ll find it easier to come to terms with your feelings of guilt and overcome them.