Am I gay or Bisexual ?
You’ve realised that you have a sexual interest in men. Now that you’ve acknowledged this and allowed yourself to examine these feelings, it feels as if the lid has blown off from the pressure cooker. Very strong emotions and sexual urges have emerged and you’re feeling overpowered by it all. You see a guy in the street and your first reaction is, “Is he gay or bisexual?” Your second reaction is, “I wouldn’t mind being naked with him and for us to ………… (fill in the blank)”. You can’t stop thinking about men. You can’t stop being aroused by men. And you certainly can’t stop fantasising about doing certain things with other men. You don’t want to feel this way or think those thoughts, but try as you might, there’s just no putting a stop to them.
If it puts your mind at ease, most bi men have gone through what you are going through right now. It’s also part of the process, so there’s no way of avoiding it. It’s very common for men to acknowledge their interest in men, much later on in their lives. Up till this point, these feelings and desires have been repressed, be it consciously or subconsciously. Suppressing these feelings for a long duration of time means that these feelings and urges have built up in intensity, which means that when they eventually surface, they’re strong. This experience can be likened to going through a second puberty, but the only difference is that the focal point has changed and in a lot of instances, these feelings are more intense. The duration and intensity of this part of the process can be determined by the amount of time that these feelings were repressed as well as how open you are to this present experience.
Controlling your Bisexual urges
In light of the overpowering nature of this experience, it would be a normal reaction for you to attempt to either suppress these desires or to control them. It implies that there stands to be an inner war that is taking place inside of you and it stands to add to your confusion and sense of being overwhelmed by it all. You need to consider that the more that you try to control or suppress these desires, the more that they stand to intensify. If you are able to take a step back and look at the situation that you are in, you will most probably identify that unless you decide to act out on these desires, there aren’t any risks of things blowing up in your face.
It would mean that you’re able to come to a middle ground approach; where you allow for these feelings, fantasies and urges to present themselves into your awareness but for boundaries to be in place so that, much as they are able to roam around in your mind, they don’t filter into your actions…in the sense of hooking up with men etc.
Strange as it may sound, but if you stop trying to control these feelings, you will find that you will have a better handle on things. This is because you will be able to focus your attention and energy elsewhere. You may even find that you won’t only enjoy your newfound fantasy life, but that you feel fulfilled after experiencing them.
The most important thing to remember is that it’s not about what you’re feeling or desiring, but what you choose to do with these things…and that through not trying to control your bi feelings, you will have more control over your situation and thus make better decisions about how to move forward from here. Whether that means taking your Bisexual feelings further or not.