Married and Bi what to do?
This is a tough question to answer. The reason being that the situation and the mindsets, norms and values systems vary from relationship to relationship. In light of this, I am loathe to attempt to tell you what to do because you stand to bear the repercussions and because I do not have all of the necessary information. What I can do is to present you with things to consider while encouraging you to look at things from different perspectives, so that you will be equipped to make informed decisions about how to progress from where you have found yourself to be.
Telling your partner you are Bi
Some bisexual men have opted to tell their wives and girlfriends about their sexual interest in men. Some reactions have been favourable, some partners were understanding but there was the need for ongoing open and honest discussion about what the implications were, and in some instances, the reaction was unfavourable and the relationship came to an end. Some men feel as if withholding this information is dishonest, while others opted not for the “Down Low” in order to protect and preserve their partner, relationship and possibly their family unit too.
The only advice that I can offer when it comes to this decision as well as how you intend to take things from here, would be to remind you that we are raised in a monosexual world and therefore ascribe to monosexual norms and values as well. The bisexual reality doesn’t fit into this scheme of things and it’s therefore important that every bisexual stops and examines these values and beliefs systems with a view of being able to determine his/her own set of norms and values that are able to accommodate his/her bisexuality. It doesn’t imply that you are encouraged to withhold this kind of information from your partner, nor does as it serve as encouragement to hook up with men behind your partner’s back. It does however imply that you stop to re-evaluating things that you’ve ascribed to in the past and to use it as a means of determining how you are able to comfortably bring your bisexuality to expression in a constructive manner.
Another thing that stands to be helpful in your decision making process, would be to invest time in familiarising yourself with HIV and STD’s. For many of us, it hasn’t been necessary to examine this up till now because of being married etc. However, it’s imperative that you are educated in the risks, symptoms and end result involved in being sexually active outside of your committed relationship. In light of these risks and the reality that no safety measures are 100% fool proof, you may want to ask yourself if you’re comfortable taking these kinds of risks.
Men on the Down low
You’re most probably experiencing very strong emotions like fear, confusion and insecurity. As men, we aren’t always equipped to deal with strong and uncomfortable emotions because of being raised with the mindset that “cowboys don’t cry” etc., which means that we normally respond by trying to push things away from us. In a situation like this, it would be necessary for you to be willing to confront these emotions along with the discomfort of your situation, so that you’re able to investigate things from all angles. It’s also human nature to become so caught up with these emotions that there’s a disconnect between you and your awareness of your partner. It will be necessary for you to try to break through this by attempting to put yourself in her shoes and to look at things from her perspective. Don’t forget that much as things are sexual in nature, it doesn’t imply that you HAVE to have sex.